Thinking Way Outside the Bag

By: Dan Miller


Many years ago in village, a farmer had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to a village moneylender. The moneylender, who was old and ugly, fancied the farmer's beautiful daughter. So he proposed a bargain. He said he would forgive the farmer's debt if he could marry his daughter. Both the farmer and his daughter were horrified by the proposal. So the cunning money-lender suggested that they let providence decide the matter. He told them that he would put a black pebble and a
white pebble into an empty money bag. Then the girl would have to reach in and pick one pebble from the bag.
1) If she picked the black pebble, she would become his wife and her father's debt would be forgiven.
2) If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father's debt would
still be forgiven.
3) But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail until the debt was paid.

They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the farmer's field. As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put them into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick a pebble from the bag. Now, imagine that you were standing in the field. What would you have done if you were the girl? If you had to advise her, what would you have told her?

Careful analysis would produce three possibilities:
(1) The girl could refuse to take a pebble -but her father would then be thrown in jail.
(2)The girl could pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order to save
her father from his debt and imprisonment. Or
(3) The girl could pull out both black pebbles in the bag and expose the money-lender as a cheat but perhaps incite his immediate revenge.

Take a moment to think through this story. I've used it with the hope that it will help you see alternate solutions beyond the obvious. The girl's dilemma cannot be solved with traditional logical thinking. You may be in a similar situation. You may be in a job you hate - but the pay is great. You have two choices
(1) You can stay in a job you hate.
(2) You can leave the job but will then give up the great pay.

Are these really all the options? What would you recommend to the Girl to do? Well, here is what she did ....

The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles. "Oh, how clumsy of me," she said. "But never mind, if you look into the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked." Since the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had picked the white one. And since the money-lender dared not admit his dishonesty, the girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an extremely
advantageous one.

Now, what about your situation? A couple of years ago I saw a very "successful" media executive. Because he was so respected he had been given increasing responsibilities over the years. He came to me with a dilemma. His current position had squeezed out all his family and community commitments. He was working 70-80 hours weekly, but he had also become used to the $180,000 in annual pay. He was considering whether to just accept his lot in life, or to quit his job, give up his salary and seek a more balanced life. I proposed another choice. Since he was valued,
why not approach his superiors with a new solution. Delegate much of his weekly work load to allow him to contribute in his "areas of competence".
They agreed readily - he was able to go back to a 40 hour work week; he began playing the cello professionally again, he volunteers in his son's school, he plays in occasional golf tournaments and he manages his church bookstore. Simply by asking for a less-than-obvious solution, he was able to move into a new season of true "success".

MORAL OF THE STORY: Most complex problems do have a solution. It is only that we don't attempt to think outside the obvious choices.

Some beautiful reads about enhancing relationships

TRUST is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is
broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to
suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity
may result in separation.
A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call.
She answered, "Public Utilities Board." There was silence. She
repeated, "PUB." There was still no answer. When she was going to cut
off the line, she Heard a lady's voice, "Oh, so this is PUB.Sorry, I
got the number from my Husband's pocket but I do not know whose
number it is."
Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if
the telephone operator answered with just "hello" instead of "PUB".

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NO POINTING FINGERS

A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised you for a
successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?"
The father-in-law answered in a smile, "Never criticize your wife
for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in
mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not
find a better husband than you."
We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are
afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he
would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is
the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one
finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves.
If we forgive the others, others will ignore our mistake too.

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CREATING PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS?

A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and
requested "I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a
suitable one." The SDU officer said, "Your requirements, please." "Oh,
good looking, polite, humorous , sporty, knowledgeable, good in
singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home
during my leisure hour, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when
I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest."
The officer listened carefully and replied, "I understand you need
television."
There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a
blind wife and a deaf husband ,because the blind wife cannot see the
faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of
the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and
dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the
excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage
is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.

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NO OVERPOWERING

Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower
another,or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love
will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after
marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying
which carries the meaning that "It is easier to reshape a mountain or
a river than a person's character."
It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing
the spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness.
It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our
expectations..


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RIGHT SPEECH !!!

There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "A speech
will either prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships break off
because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other,we
always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without
considering if it would hurt the other party.
A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction
site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted,"Hi, Emily!
Remember me? We used to date in the secondary school." On the way
home, her millionaire husband teased her, "Luckily you married
me.Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker." She
answered ,"You should appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he
will be the millionaire and not you."
Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad
relationship. It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.


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PERSONAL PERCEPTION

Different people have different perception. One man's meat could be
another man's poison. A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the
way home,a boy commented, "Very stupid. Why neither of them ride on
the donkey?"Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the
donkey. He walked besides them. Later, an old man saw it and commented,
"The husband is the head of family. How can the wife ride
on the donkey while the husband is on foot?" Hearing this, the wife
quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey.
Further on the way home, they met an old Lady. She commented, "How
can the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no
gentleman."
The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey.
Then, they met a young man. He commented, "Poor donkey, how can you
hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to you." Hearing
that, the husband and wife immediately climbed down from the donkey
and carried it on their shoulders.
It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge, the
donkey was frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and fell
into the river. You can never have everyone praise you, nor will
everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never
will be in the future.
Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is
clear..

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BE PATIENT .............

This is a true story which happened in the States. A man came out of
his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his
three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint of
the truck. The man ran to his son, knocked him away, hammered the
little boy's hands into pulp as punishment. When the father calmed
down, he rushed his son to the hospital.
Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he
finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands. When
the boy woke up from the surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he
innocently said, " Daddy,I'm sorry about your truck." Then he asked,
"but when are my fingers going to grow back?" The father went home &
committed suicide.
Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or u
wish to take revenge. Think first before u lose your patience with
someone u love. Trucks can be repaired.. Broken bones & hurt feelings
often can't. Too often we fail to recognize the difference between the
person and the performance. We forget that forgiveness is greater than
revenge.
People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the
actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.

Scaling Life's Mountains by Michelle C. Ustaszeski
"We deal with disappointing and depressing experiences each day of our
lives. Rest assured that these difficult times are your opportunity to
grow and to learn more advanced strategies in order scale your next
mountain more quickly."
Michelle C. Ustaszeski

It is the simple things in life that please me. But it hasn't always
been that way. There was a time in my life when everything seemed dark.
It was a time when my children were the only source of light in my
life. I was disappointed in myself for descending so deeply into such
an obscure frame of mind and that increasing self-resentment only made
each day all the more dismal. I took refuge in the stories that I
wrote, escaping my own reality by creating new ones and falling to sleep
as a character with a life far better than my own. I was trapped
between the boundaries that I created for myself, allowing no other
feelings but self-pity and disappointment to reside and freely
cultivate.

It may sound quite dramatic to those who are fortunate enough to have
never experienced such inner despair. Unfortunately, most people can
relate to how difficult it can be to climb over the peak of depression,
especially if they have been dwelling at the foot of the mountain for
some time now. But with each minute, each hour and each day that we
remain still, we have a greater tendency to get comfortable within those
boundaries. The mountain becomes a part of the scenery that we soon
fail to see and the journey we were meant to travel in order to reach
our destiny becomes postponed, or worse yet, never conquered.

Life began to change for me after I realized that it was not my
environment that controlled me, but it was I who controlled my
environment. It was I who dimmed the lights in my own world and it was
I who needed to slowly turn them back on. It was during that journey
when I took a second look at my life, realizing that my children needed
me. They deserved a mother who would provide light in their own times
of darkness, guiding them into a better life than I had allowed for
myself during those times of hopelessness. They deserved a mother who
would conquer and move mountains in order to share with them the wisdom
that I would obtain for the day when they would have to set out on their
own journeys. They would learn that happiness is a gift that we give to
ourselves and that regardless of how lost we feel at times, continuous
movement in faith will eventually brink us to our peak.

It was at this time when I began finding the good in all things that I
had subconsciously ignored. I began to notice everything that I
overlooked outside of myself due to my previous self-indulgence with
inner wretchedness. I found that it was the simple negatives in life
that would control me and that the simple positives would, in fact, set
me free. Just as I would have probed for and willingly allowed any
negative to govern me, I began my search for each and every positive
that would eventually set me free. I began taking one step at a time,
falling on occasion, but getting right back up with my goal in mind as
it became more visible with each step. Using my own internal compass
and by creating my very own paths, I conquered feat after feat until I
eventually mastered the art of scaling.

We deal with disappointing and depressing experiences each day of our
lives. Rest assured that these difficult times are your opportunity to
grow and to learn more advanced strategies in order scale your next
mountain more quickly. These difficult times provide you with
experience and knowledge that you can pass on to your children and to
the world. They bestow upon you wisdom that, when looking back, will
cause you to proudly stand in awe at how far you have traveled. Only
through difficulty can you rest at the peak, look out over the horizon
that surrounds you, and rejoice beyond today's imagination at how
beautiful life really is and how lucky we truly are.


About The Author:
Michelle C. Ustaszeski is a writer and photographer of inspirational and
motivational art. She believes that if you can prematurely feel the
emotions of your desired outcome, your reservations have been made and
reaching your destination is simply a matter of time.


QUOTES
"Our achievements speak for themselves. What we have to keep track of
are our failures, discouragements and doubts. We tend to forget the past
difficulties, the many false starts, and the painful groping. We see our
past achievements as the end results of."
Eric Hoffer

"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity."
Albert Einstein

"Our energy is in proportion to the resistance it meets. We attempt
nothing great but from a sense of the difficulties we have to encounter,
we persevere in nothing great but from a pride in overcoming them."
William Hazlitt

"Life has an incredible way of working out the details of our
difficulties when we choose not to give up."
Josh Hinds

"Out of difficulties grow miracles."
Jean de la Bruyere

"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through
experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision
cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved."
Helen Keller