Would He forgive me???

The following anonymous story is a personal testimony from a believer who struggled with not feeling forgiven by God.

I had been a Christian for several years, but during that time I had occasional distressing bouts with anxiety. I just could not believe that God had actually forgiven me. Sometimes I even doubted that He was capable of forgiving a woman whose sins were as bad as mine.
I remember vividly an evening when I was looking through my photo album. As I walked back over the years, the pictures seemed to condemn me anew. They brought back to my mind the kind of life I had lived before I had confessed my faith in Christ. As I turned the pages, photo after photo leaped into focus and pointed a finger of accusation directly at me.
It all came back in huge, overwhelming waves of condemnation. The drinking (I used to brag about being able to drink anyone under the table); the smoking; the friends who swapped wives among themselves; the angry chip on my shoulder about not knowing the man who caused my birth. Then came a messy divorce, followed by a physical involvement with a man I knew I didn't love.
I closed my eyes to escape the pictures. But all I could see were nails being driven into the hands of Christ. I agonized. The photo album brought all my sins back. All my Christian joy was gone. I could see only my unworthiness, the blackness of my sin, and my terrible guilt. Shame engulfed me. I felt totally worthless and condemned.
I pleaded with the Father to help me. The Bible had become a staff of life to me, so I turned to it in desperation. Was I truly forgiven of all my sins? God led me to these verses:
Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake; and I will not remember your sins (Isa. 43:18-19,25).
My heart welled up with joy. My smile returned, for I knew I was forgiven and that I didn't have to remember who I used to be. I realized that I am the Lord's--for His glory and praise.
I know now that Satan, the accuser of the brethren, used those memories to oppress me. He wanted to cripple me, to make me ineffective in the service of God. But the truth of the Bible had once again triumphed.

When I look at my picture album now, I see the "new me"--not the one captured by past sins. I am covered forever with the robe of the righteousness of Christ!